We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
