I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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