haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
