I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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