My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
