i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
