It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
