took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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