her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
