Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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