Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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