Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
