Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I skipped work to stalk him.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
