You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
