Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
