she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
