i already hear my dad disowning me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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