fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
