nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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