What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the day after is always just damage control
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
