Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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