i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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