Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
