capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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