I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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