I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
