ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need moral support for this bender
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Someone came in the potted fern
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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