The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
