OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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