therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Randomize
