They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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