Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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