Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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