we have officially lost it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
