Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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