I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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