no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
