My nipple is on Facebook.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
