just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
