So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
