Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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