omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
