OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
