They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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