is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
