I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
