He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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