i think my tv is drunk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
