Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
