I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
